they told me I can start training a little bit so I'm really excited about that said that my Bloods been tough especially not having been able to burn off the fight you know it all happens pretty early in the first round yeah I'm looking forward to getting back in there and definitely doing everything.
They can service can it's been hard it's been it's been tricky you know especially because I felt great going to that fight you know I was excited about the new division and you know the decisions I've made in coaching and the decisions I've made as far as like putting together a game plan for that specific site and to not be.
Actually a typical able to prove any of those stuff like there's really nothing to go home and fix I can see I get my I gets tired by the end of snake you know and it's kind of like being underwater or just on like go inside of my head like my my depth perception is awesome but again it's been improving it's definitely not what it was a month ago you know so yeah we'll see okay yeah I'd.
Say like my balance is off of me but tell you that depth perception is the biggest struggle just these weird kind of flashes like these weird lights when that happened what was going through your mind I thought I lost my I know I thought I thought if I opened my eye that it was gonna like spill out onto my face and I didn't want to open.
It in the cage you know when they came up and they checked on me and they're telling me to open it I was like you're not the one that I'm gonna open this for me for one day I need somebody that knows what's up because I thought I lost it he earned a lot of pain I've never felt pain like that in my life I've dislocated my jaw bone my knees I tore up all my fingers like.
Broken ribs everything like that I that was nothing compared to what it felt like to get hit in the high I'm never talking like that I'd have a baby like ten times before I owe ya yeah like I just was like I couldn't I wasn't I wasn't there anymore I just I needed away like wanted to see if I was okay I needed them to see if I was okay like I it went.
From being a sport and being like a competition to like I lost my eye like is this how it ends is over for me like what is it gonna be like looking at my kid after their sights just changed everything very quickly we need to have that maintenance it sounds pretty makes me a wedding to go do it again right it's terrifying I think it's gonna definitely modify how.
I change how I fight you know I'm pretty relaxed as I fighter like I like being in and out moving a lot like one thing I will take home from is you know I don't know I want to be way more protective like I kind of ran into the cage at that exact same second so I kind of like lean into it I could have had my hands up better oh you know I caught nothing but toe in my eye like she kicked me in the.
Head like they would have otherwise not even messed up my hair you know what I mean but that scared me you know and I'm not willing to lose an eye for this sport I mean oh I don't feel like anyone would so there's definitely some things I'm going to do as far as my defense tightening up but yeah I I'm excited to go in and face it because it's definitely something scary.
Even tonight is the first night that I've watched white sense that you know where I'm looking in in the bikini J of front-row seats and I'm watching fighters to each other and I'm like all right this is intense like I don't realize how hurt you actually can't get you know so I'm watching that and part of some of the fights in language that's rough you know and some of them I'm like.
I can't wait to get my hands on someone again so you know it's definitely going to be a challenge but I think during training camp and everything I can expose myself to as far as that goes like it's do you feel like you have a sort of a PTSD kind of type of thing from that I don't know yet because I really haven't gotten to train in the ways that would put me at that kind of.
Risk I have PTSD am i a bunch of different other ways so it might just add to it might be able to milder version but it's a yeah I mean I'm gonna start doing jujitsu probably relatively soon you know actually get like close to people and close to moving and like expose myself that way and we'll find out that you know it it's weird to have it touched like I said by the end of the.
Day my eyes like tired nose my other eye is doing a lot more work than this one right now I stopped visiting this week and you pulled his little fake eye out and showed me and so I realized how much worse it could be but you know it's not Winkeljohn this week too and there's these weird moments where we're all like what what did you talk to yeah I just asked him how long it took him to want.
One with the fear of it you know like oh yeah this is it freaks me out it's gross - you know I got a big toe in my eyeball like but you know how long did it take him to get back to training how long did it take for like I didn't know if he had gotten the like they're little lightning bolts in like the visual stuff because of the red and now like I wanted to know how long it took for those to go away.
When he ran or lifted which I'm having you know symptoms with now as I get this weird pulsing you know so I just asked when that ended and what to expect as far as moving forward with that kind of training again no so he's just kind of telling me about it I didn't ask him to take his eye out but he took it out there's a Shelby I was like he is a over a glass eye over his.
Uh his like realized but the other eye underneath is completely you know I I only just started putting makeup on cuz we really owe it and stab it with stuff being here fighters you know you've heard say no I'm willing to die in there and all that stuff does that now seem more to the committee because it's obviously when it happened you're like no I'm out of here.
I may be you go that way before and now it's no I feel that way and there was a huge part of my heart that hurt that night because again lately I mean you guys have heard me talk about it before it's it's something to me that's like primitive and it's like it's I was born into this you know and so to even have that happen to me was you know it made me sad it made me feel like damn yeah if.
We were in nature in and I just got flipped on I that still would have cost me life like that it wouldn't cost me everything and it like obviously I'm gonna walk away from me obviously I get to go home and I'm grateful that I have two eyes and I can see right now but like right there and then like I I think Megan is good but I don't think she's better than me but she's better than me.
That day because she she caught something that I don't think she could have gotten if she tried but it happened and it would it would have ended things you know if I walk out of there knowing like I didn't survive that I think that sucks terribly and I didn't get to know if I was okay or not like I didn't get the chance to even like blink or see.
I was okay I mean if someone gets hit in the nuts it's like if it's a forehead if it's a an elbow if it's a heel if it's a knee someone gets hit in the nuts like you stop and see if you're not coming you know you get hit in the eye I feel like you should be the same I realized that the rules in LA don't constitute what a poke is at this point you know that's one of the reasons that I wanted.
To have a hearing over it is just to make a wool or figure out what people want to do moving forward as far as what happens when your vision is compromised and not from like a strike strike just hope I just sure I won't I just need to know if I'm okay you know did you know or do you think there's be a road change that you can't basically stick toes and eyeballs because technically that's.
Legal now it is well and that's the thing is like if they don't make a rule on it it's open season on eye pokes like I got mad dexterity with my toes so if you tell me be like we gonna just aim for people's eyeballs with our toes now and like that's good that's that's not really safe moving forward but like we're all find a way to win you know if you put me in some thing on the ground.
And I get a dig my toes in their eyes that way too like that's that's kind of gnarly but like we're in there trying to survive like me or you man because it's all because you can't grab some stone break-in in a fight again things like a weird no it's not in some states it is clear like you go to some Midwestern states and yeah that would have been considered a foul in a no.
Contest or even though the person might have one I mean and there's obviously intention in there like if you intend to do something like the rules are different there was another fight this weekend it is on Invicta Vanessa Porto I think pearl went to kicker and she you know she put her arm out to keep her and that hand went into Vanessa's I hasn't got her real bad and it was in the.
Fourth round and at one point so they stopped the fight she couldn't move forward but they said alright well let's just decide we'll do a decision based on who did the most up until that point so Vanessa ended up winning cuz they believed that she had done the most but you know they stopped the fight and I think I heard you say that I mean that's Kansas it's just not the unified rule.
There's not something that constitutes what all of this is and like I said that's one of the things that I wanted to go and do this what advice or comfort did this thing give you when you talk to besides pulling the night out I mean I wasn't looking for comfort I was kind of just really inquiring like what to expect and what would be safe for me moving forward and like what his.
Experience was like again the depth perception I feel like the baby even complaining about it right now because he is one I like I have one blurry eye he fought the last couple years in his life for one I think it's different you know so yeah I just wanted to know what what it would be like moving forward like what what kind of stuff to push through as far as it being throbbing or.
Blurry or the like light sensitivity and stuff that were in what stuff to like lay off of because I don't want to mess with this you know what what advice have you got from the doctor cuz he's like told you these certain things will go away or yeah but that it is it will recover but it's not a fast one so like just because they get your retina at this point I have a damaged retina but.
The visceral fluid which is on the back of the eye is what pulls on the retina so that's where like so things come from depending on what I'm doing what I'm looking at like how I'm focusing so it's like the neuromuscular eyes that I just have to leave alone and let you know and that I'm told it well here I don't know I was outside it is that's why I've been asking because I'm.
Answering like I hate sitting around this is this is like my thing we're training like I like I like doing I am teaching seminars I'm teaching the seminar and highway into March I love teaching pilots I've been doing a few appearances and things like that so you know they're they're being awesome and keeping me busy you know they brought over here this weekend next week.
I'm going to Canada to visit the troops and I don't know I'm always having so much fun with the military I was taking everybody I wouldn't sign up just making everybody smile but yeah as far as being physical of a packing job you know and started lifting weights more but yeah it was a month of destiny now I get to do like stuff which I don't like anything.
There's not a gentle person so it's a being gentle right now and to you know disrespecting what actually happened yeah I want to fix that site like I want to know I want to know what happened I want to know how that ends up like that it's just so weird and I don't think she's happy with how that went either so.
It's a you know she's down for the rematch I've known for the rematch like I feel like you need to put that one in history books for whatever it's worth in whatever it's going to turn out to be you yeah look forward to that and then you know it it fired me up because I'm like man I know like for a moment there I thought I was done it was like you even get to try it with a blown out.
Eyeball you know so it really had to have to dig deep and I understood think like like I know this is what I want to do I know where I'm at in my life that I care about there's so much you know in this last year I've been more active than I've been able to be because I had a she's made me grateful for my health I'm grateful for these opportunities so.
You know as soon as it's better I want to keep going on this task I definitely have a lot I want to do at 1:30 making 145 was awesome and it was easier but I'm like it could never have been in 135 just because it's easier that only does haunt me for life so it's a there's a lot there's a lot I want out of this and this definitely made me .
Because if I mean I lost the I you know first $50,000 I don't know how many people would up to lose is for $50,000 that's like I didn't agree that there's none of the negotiations but I understand it's a risk time I think I just it never occurred to me that whatever so I know so strange and in the moment I'm thinking that I'm done I'm like my eyes got like now I.
Have to figure out what life is like like this then wait I realize that I'm okay when I go to the doctor and they say it's recoverable as I go I know I want to do this so just have a one word day in the life of cool thank you